Before you go on, I would like to let you know that this is about me. It has taken me quite a while to write this here, to be open for public. But then, I think majority to get to know this website won’t be someone a stranger but rather someone whom I know. If you found this by accident, you can ignore this page because it will be a little odd for you just jump deep about me here. 🙂
My definition of Friendship
Recently, I summarized a little of this word as I have enough of complication. For me now, how I see friendship is
- when both parties contribute to each other.
How both person can assure of each other friendship is when both contributed. This contribution doesn’t mean that that person can or has helped the other person. Contribution can be in the form of being there for that person. Read Job 2: 11: 13. Can Job’s friends solve his problems nor has solved? No. But the bible put that header “Job’s Three Friends”. Another keywords to replace contribute can be help, gives. - want to be a friend to each other.
It is just as simple as you say to him/her “I want to be your friend or your buddy.” People actually know that you want to be their friend. It is amazing. You don’t have to say this mushi mushi phase, “You are my friend.” “You’re my buddy.”, “You’re my best friend”. People can feel it. Amazing.
Taking about contribution, people actually can remember it very well. Even one kind and sincere act from someone to your personally, you remember it. Example, the person who invited you to church, the one who visited/call/encourage you when you are down spiritually, the one who help you in your wedding, someone who rebuke you when you needed it. Amazingly after very long time, even that same person no longer contributes, you still acknowledge that person as your friend.
My part and Surrenderness
So now, this is how I build friendship, by contributing to that person’s life. If that person also want to contribute to myself. This friendship has established. But, friendship will die off. It won’t die immediately but it die progressively when both didn’t or decided not to contribute to each other at any reasons or excuse.
Distance can’t stop a friendship (both to contribute). Even you can’t physically present to that person, you can still think of that person and that is a form of contribution. Just try to imagine, when your good old friend say to you from a far distance. “You know what, I thought of you. I miss the olden days when we .. ” Though you can’t able to meet regularly like last time, but the friendship still can possibly remain.
Surrenderness is needed in building a friendship. Why? This is because of the friendship principles/definition (need both party to contribute). And you can only do your part (contribute). You can’t make the other person contribute back to you.
When a person appreciate your contribution, this doesn’t mean that person has contributed. Only when that person intensionally want to contribute back, then it becomes a true contribution. And that is not the last time of contribution to each other but a regular basis.
My needs
I need friends or friendship. Indeed I believe every human being needs it. For those who doesn’t feel you need it, I want to let you know that we need it. I once read, a baby who was fed but without relationship or love for 6 months, dies after that.
I need a friend whom I can pour out my heart. As a born deep person, thoughts can easily branch out multiply and went to deep of these many many branches. Problems or ill feelings keep or supress inside my heart are like toxic. It kills. But, who can I turn to? Who can I turn to release all these thoughts and feelings of my heart in this fast-paced life? Why don’t you just pour them ask you might ask? Actually, I did. But, people don’t seem to care. If they do, they would have follow-up at least some of my problems. Will you actually pour out your heart to those who don’t seem to care?
Another problem is good listener is very rare now a days. Since last year I think, I begin to pick up more in this area. I realize that it is important to be a good listener. I learn much from books esp a book called “Messages”, under my recommendation section. It is more frustrating when you pour out to someone who are not a good listener. They care but their listening skills are poor. So, I think I still appreciate them for they care.
Just by you taking your precious time to read this stuff, you have already contributed to my life. And I want appreciate you for that. Funny how, I can forget many things due to too many things but I always remember those who loves me, contributed to my life, that has helped me. I always thank God for David Guzik’s sermon and commentary, those who dropped by to me with little “Hi”, or just to catch up, those who greets me. Why? You might see this small thing, just a “Hi” or a greet. But for me, it makes me feel warm and I appreciate more when I see how busy all of us are especially in my church, with so many responsiblity and meetings and people. So, this little “Hi”, little smile, little humor/joke, little greet has an encouragement to me.
Take about humor. I love it. I try to imagine how my life will be if I never laugh, to have someone to laugh with. I think I will die in depression. Some need this less or don’t need it at all. Different people has different need. For me, one of my needs to humor, fun, laughter. I’m grateful to have people whom I can click in humor, fun and laughter. I miss it, those crazy humor, those good dry humor, those comedy acting, those big 2, those reversi. Hehe..
Hmm.. dawn on me, what about spiritual needs? I think I have quite enough of spiritual food, many Christian books. I can easily get more Christian book shop. I can get them also from website. I believe there are more than enough. But, what I need to people whom I can share things which convicts me, my spiritual perspective, to confess my sins. Again, come back to above, need that friend to grow together and fight together spiritually.
What if we don’t have friends yet? Can we still ‘survive’?
I thought of Samuel. During Samuel’s time, he doesn’t seem to have much friends. His so called peers, Eli’s sons, are bad. The nations was in low spiritual state. Yet, he still remain a good faithful servant to God until old age. I believe there are some lone spirtual hero in the bible besides Samuel. I think David also. What about John the Baptist? For them, God is their friend, someone to pour out. But, in anther perspective, they are special. God personally speak to Samuel. John was filled with Holy Spirit from birth.
Healthy Friendship is within a healthy boundary
Friendship also can be unhealthy. For me, I see unhealthy friendship when the friendship has not been staying within a good healthy boundary. I don’t know how to define it though. You can research it more in google. But, it is something like when the friendship has gotten too close. Meet too often. Get too attached. Even a good friends or a dating relationship shouldn’t get too attached and that it is healthy for both.
A good healthy friendship is quite rare now a days but this is not impossible. It takes both to understand the meaning of friendship. It takes both to have the knowledge of boundary. It also takes self-control and some maturity. This unhealthy friendship normally happen to the people to always meet together, be it people you stay together with, your family member, your community small group, your colleague.